


(#0000FF) + (#008000)

by frankieh



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, And shit gets w-i-l-d, Comedy, Compilation, Drama, F/M, I'll just keep adding to this as AU ideas pop into my head, Jerry is Ralph's roommate in most AUs, Luther is A Voice of Reason, No matter the universe these two always run into each other, North makes questionable life choices but this is not a place in which we hate her, North/Kara friendship, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Soulmates, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-07 16:03:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15911616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frankieh/pseuds/frankieh
Summary: A series of alternate universe (AU) Kara x Ralph drabbles from tumblr prompts and the like. I had to collect them somewhere. It's a real mixed bag, we've got a road trip AU (featuring Ralph's creepy dumpster-brother, Trash Man Dave) and we've got a fallen angel AU, we've got a bookstore AU, and I'm sure there's gonna be a couple follow-up chapters in here at some point, too.But yeah. If you're in the mood for some (mostly human) alternate universe Kara x Ralph stories, here, take this. It's dangerous outside. Trash Man Dave is out there and he's gonna give you the address to a Really Bad House under the guise that whoever lives there wants to be your friend. Spoiler: It's Zlatko.Anyway, in an alternate universe (or several) where Ralph and Kara did *not* get off on the wrong foot, here's a glimpse of one blue-eyed android falling in love with a green-eyed android over and over again.





	1. Long Distance

 

 

01.  **Long Distance**  
_A Road Trip AU for g00pygirl on Tumblr_

 

 

Kara had been looking forward to that particular beachside camping trip for weeks. She wasn’t about to let it be soured by some jackass friend-of-a-friend she’d been unlucky enough to be seated next to. Her frustration had reached a breaking point with this creep breathing down her neck like they were long time lovers.

She wished she’d chose to ride with North. North never hesitated to call anyone out. Except North was riding in Markus’s car up ahead. She knew she should have stuck with North, but Markus’s car was full and she knew North was going to be busy trying to flirt up a storm with Markus.

Instead, Kara opted for the open seat in Luther’s van—Luther, after all, had been fun enough to accompany on road trips. It had been the second time they met since the last trip they all made to California. last summer. Although they hadn’t much kept in touch beyond a few shared memes over twitter, she knew Luther was fine enough to spend a thirty-hour drive with. Hell, she figured, maybe she’d switch cars at some rest stop up ahead. Except, she hadn’t considered the factor that other travel-mates were less pleasant to be stuck in a box with for so long.

“You don’t have to be shy, precious. I know I can be… intimidating.” His whispered words were campy, almost comical, but his voice was absolutely dead serious as he spoke, “…all I want is to show you the world. And about sixty-seven positions you’ve probably never even _dreamed_ of.”

“I’m going to break your neck…” Kara warned. Their voices were almost drowned out under the blaring ska music which Luther and Jerry sang along to.

“I’m quite practiced, Kara. You needn’t worry for my safety.”

Dave— _Trash Man Dave_ , as Markus had introduced him—was their group’s resident “supplier of party supplies” and had seemed unsuspecting enough as he sat quietly in the back corner of Luther’s van. Maybe Kara’s first mistake was giving him a sweet smile upon settling into her seat. Admittedly, he _didn’t_ creep her out at first. She’d actually found him rather cute and interesting with an air of soft-spoken intelligence. That lasted approximately a minute and a half, before the conversation went from political leanings to his fascination with conspiracy theories and ceremonial orgies. 

_Actual creep, Trash Man Dave._

Kara turned around, staring straight at the back of Luther’s head, her blood boiling. This guy didn’t let up. She wondered if she could actually reach the med textbooks in her travel bag and beat him to a bloody pulp with them.

“Alright. Hey, um. Luther?” Kara chimed.

Luther was singing along to some nineties ska band when he heard Kara call him. He lowered the volume. Jerry in the passenger’s seat made a soft groan of disappointment before continuing to sing and dance quietly with the hushed music.

“What’s up, hon?”

“I think I want to change cars, is that alright? I’m just not feeling it.”

“Hey, that’s no problem at all. Jerry, text Markus. We could all use a rest stop at the next station anyway.” Luther said, as Jerry nodded with an, _“Aye-aye, Cap’n!”_ and began rapidly texting someone in the next car.

Kara gave a sigh of relief. Dave’s forehead was pressed against the backing of her seat as he made a sullen groan. Kara considered dropping the headrest down until it smacked the top of his head. When she felt his fingertips reaching over the seat and moving to massage her shoulder, she did it, smashing his fingers without warning. He swore in a hissed voice and jerked his hand away.

“Asshole.”

When they finally pulled into the nearest gas station for a rest stop and for some of their traveling group to get snacks or drinks, Kara took her bags and hurried out of Luther’s van.

“Till we meet again, my love.” Dave called after her.

Kara rolled her eyes, not interested in satisfying him with a response. That was the last time she assumed a guy was worth talking to just because he was a little cute. She’d be sure to _avoid_ him for the duration of their trip. North met Kara outside of Markus’s car with a look of concern.

“Hey, you alright?”

“Yeah, Dave’s kind of a freak show?”

North’s brow raised as she nodded, “…Oh, you hadn’t met Dave yet?”

“I hadn’t met Dave yet. A warning would have been nice.”

North shrugged, apologizing, “I’m sorry, that was my fault. I mentioned to Jerry that you were single, Jerry said he had a roommate who was single. I mean. I knew he was kind of cryptic, but you always date the weird ones. I guess I called it wrong.”

“He tried to lick my ear.”

North grimaced, “…oh. You want me to push him into traffic for you? I can make it look like an accident.”

“No. It’s alright.” Kara said, stuffing her bag into the back of the car with what little room was left among everyone else’s things.

North eyed Luther’s van with a soured look on her face. She gave Kara’s shoulder a gentle squeeze and said, “…alright. Well if he bugs you again, let me know. I’ll make sure Luther forgets him in a Starbucks or something. I’m gonna go get some water. You want anything, love?”

Kara shook her head, “No, thank you.”

She gave her old friend a warm and appreciative smile. North had always been something of a protective figure to her, ever since they met in college a few years back. Kara was comforted infinitely by North’s presence alone. It was North to which Kara could attribute her most important life lesson— _if he ever creeps you out, take that stiletto right off your foot and jam it in his eye._ North tolerated very little from men. To say the least.

Kara crossed around to the back of Markus’s car, settling into the seat behind North. She was grateful to Simon, who had offered to trade seats with her. Bless his heart, he was always the gentlest and most self-sacrificing person she’d ever known. As she settled in, she looked to the passenger beside her. Some guy sleeping with a green and black sweater draped over his head and face. Kara would have introduced herself if he hadn’t been snoring up a storm. As she shut her door (unintentionally slamming it) the man jumped and gave a startled screech.

“What-what-what, hello!? Sorry, fuck, um—did, did you want ketchup with that?”

Kara squinted as the man pulled the sweater off his face. He was wearing bright orange sunglasses.

 _His face_.

Kara wasn’t sure if she’d tripped and fallen into the goddamned _Twilight Zone_ or not.

“Oh my god. _Another one?”_ Kara groaned.

The man looked at her through orange glasses and squinted, “…Simon? You’re not Simon.”

Kara shook her head, “…no. I’m. I’m not Simon.”

The man nodded slowly, glancing sideward with suspicion on his face. He looked _exactly_ like Dave. Even their hair was cut and styled the same, only this guy was visibly more disheveled. Stretching across the entire left side of his face was a very long, deep burn scar. It looked old and faded with years and growth. Something he’d perhaps sustained in his childhood. Aside from that tell-tale scar, he was clearly Dave’s brother.

Kara wasn’t sure if she was, at that moment, internally praying or internally screaming.

“Hey. Hey, you wanna smoke some pot?”

“No. I don’t wanna smoke pot.”

“Alright.” He shrugged, “Just thought I’d ask, it’d be rude if Ralph didn’t ask. Ralph doesn’t wanna be rude, you know?”

Ralph was grinning, a little bounce in his shoulders as he pulled a blunt out of his pocket and a lighter. He lit up. Kara had to admit, the smell alone was tempting, but she’d been working hard on dropping the habit. Ralph looked at her. He held out the blunt in offering. Kara sighed and accepted with a grudging sigh. At least Alice wasn’t there to judge her. Kara took a long, deep hit and coughed. Ralph beamed, watching her, “…damn, you like percolators?”

“What?” Kara wasn’t sure she’d heard him right.

“Percolators, like… ah, Ralph’ll show you when we get there.” Flashing a wide, toothy grin, he added, “… _it’s nice._ ”

“Are you and Dave brothers?”

“Huh? Oh. Yeah. He’s an asshole. Ralph won’t sit in the same car with him. Ralph’s pretty sure Dave’s trying to kill him, but no one believes Ralph.”

“Why do you talk like that?”

“…talk like what?”

Kara licked her lips, studying Ralph’s face and trying to discern whether or not this boy was just fucking with her or not. If anything, she already liked this one better than the other. She would give him another thirty to fifty seconds to say something that thoroughly creeped her out again, though.

“Hey, what time is it?”

“About four o’clock. We’ve only been driving for about two hours.”

Ralph leaned back in his seat, pulling the jacket back over his face. His long, drawn out sigh was perhaps the most dramatic thing Kara had ever heard come out of a full-grown adult man. She stared for a moment, still waiting for him to raise a red flag, but so far, he just came off… a little _dumb_. He was still holding the lit blunt in one hand. He raised it to his mouth (still covered by the jacket) and upon realizing the jacket was still there, he muttered quietly, “ _…oh, shit…”_ and pulled the opening of one cut-off sleeve over his mouth.

He took another hit through the arm of a cut-off sleeve.

Kara still wasn’t sure if this was real or not.

Ralph offered the blunt to her again. She considered it for a second, before took it. Kara could feel something like genuine amusement rising in her and it wasn’t just the weed. She definitely liked this one more than the other.

“Ralph’s probably going back to sleep, then. Probably. I don’t know. Ralph hates long trips.”

“Why’d you come?”

Ralph shrugged, “Ralph’s trying to get out of the house more. Trying to better himself. _New Year, New Me_. The bats came back, too, so, you know, Ralph didn’t wanna be alone with them.”

Kara nodded, listening intently, before she added, “…it’s August.”

“Huh?”

“It’s August,” Kara cleared her throat and explained, “…New Years was eight months ago.”

“Bats are still back, though. Ralph doesn’t like the bats.”

Kara handed the blunt back to him.

“I’m Kara.”

Dramatically pointing to himself with both hands, Ralph answered, “… _Ralph_.”

Perhaps that was really all the introduction Ralph needed anyway. There didn’t seem to be much more to the guy. Kara grinned. Ralph was… interesting.

North and Markus got in. North looked to Kara, noticing the amusement on her face. As the group chatted amongst itself (sans Ralph, who seemed to already be going back to sleep,) Kara felt her phone buzz with a message from North.

 

> _> You look like you’re having a better time already._

Kara glanced at Ralph, who was once again buried under his jacket and snoring. It was only then that she realized his tee-shirt was the ugliest cactus-print thing she’d ever seen in her life. She loved it.

 

> _< North. I think I’m gonna wreck Ralph._

North started snorting and laughing from the passenger’s seat.

“What’s so funny?” Markus asked.

North shook her head, “Nothing. Nothing!”

 

> _> Wow, Kara. Your taste in men is something else._


	2. Book Lovers

 

 

02.  **Book Lovers**  
_A Bookstore AU for sweetboyeralph on tumblr_

 

Ralph hadn’t _meant_ to seem like he was stalking her. But the truth was, he probably was a little. He wasn’t much about buying books unless they were comic books and he’d long since dropped out of college and had no need to rummage through bookstores for any used textbooks. No—the only reason he’d find himself there was because the same girl from the coffee shop by the plant nursery _also worked at the bookshop_. He hadn’t _meant_ to notice the patterns in what times and days he saw her face through the bookshop window when he passed. Nor had he _meant_ to stare each time (luckily, he was sure she’d never noticed.) Friday evenings and weekend afternoons, she’d be there. Most other mornings, she’d be at the coffee shop.

Her name badge was adorned with neon blue chalky marker. Her name was written in neat print, _Kara_ and decorated with flowers and butterflies. He’d overheard her telling another customer once that she let her daughter decorate her badge. She had a daughter. Perhaps that fact alone should have warded off his interests—if she had a daughter, she probably had a husband or a partner. But Jerry had somehow sleuthed that she didn’t.

It was bad enough that Jerry dragged him into that coffee shop every day—although he could thank Jerry for his coffee addiction, at least it was an excuse to see her in her barista’s uniform. Hell. Ralph didn’t even _like_ coffee. Not until he accompanied Jerry every morning before they started their shifts at the Greenworks Nursery across the street. Maybe it’d been luck that first day Jerry dragged him almost kicking and screaming into the coffee shop, whining, _“Ralph doesn’t even like coffee, we’re gonna be late—”_

That was about how it all started—and from there, Ralph had wound up gathering the courage to wander into the bookstore. For what, he wasn’t sure. Conversation, maybe. But he also knew he wasn’t brave enough to say a thing. Even seeing her every other morning during Jerry’s coffee trips, he hadn’t managed to communicate with her beyond an awkward, toothy smile that probably creeped her out.

 _Try to look natural,_ Ralph urged himself, _try to act natural._

The door’s entry bell jingled. Kara greeted him from behind a stack of books on the counter. She was zapping them with a hand-scanner as she called, “Hey, there! Welcome to Jericho Books!”

Ralph met eyes with her from across the store. She seemed to recognize him. Of course, she probably recognized him. Not a lot of people in town had such a distinct scar covering almost half of their face. Otherwise, he may have blended in fine with a sea of forgettable, flaxen-haired male faces. Kara blinked as she looked at him, looking as if she were going to say more, until the customer she helped asked something about the trade-value of a book she’d just scanned. Kara fixed her attention back on what she was doing.

Ralph drew in a breath and tried to look composed. The bookstore was fairly new, but it seemed to have already taken on the scent of old paper and weathered leather covers. A huge section of the store housed used books and the rest seemed to be new releases. He’d almost chickened out and left when he saw a sign in a far corner directing customers to graphic novels. Interest perked and Kara nearly forgotten, Ralph hurried in that direction.

He did a small happy-dance when he saw a new volume of _Botforce_ sitting at the forefront of the graphic novels section. An absolute _score_. The last three shops he’d stopped at—comic shops, no less—had been sold out. There were at least three copies of number four left here.

_Alright. Maybe this trip isn’t entirely creepy. Ralph has an actual reason to be here._

Ralph pored over the trade volume with mild glee. He wasn’t exactly going to just _read it in the store_ , but he was quite stoked at what he was seeing. Perhaps he’d pored over it a little too long though. Just as he decided to close it up and take it to the register, a voice nearly scared him out of his skin.

“Finding everything alright?”

“ _Ghghghkk_!” Ralph gasped, the book nearly jumping out of his hands. He juggled it for a moment clumsily before catching it and gave a sigh of relief—he wasn’t fond of scuffing up his beloved little treasures.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” Kara was laughing quietly as she put a hand on his shoulder— _her hand, her warm, gentle hand_ , Ralph thought in some small bliss. “I didn’t mean to scare you!”

“It’s alright. It’s alright. Ralph didn’t drop it—I-I didn’t drop it.”

Kara looked him up and down, still smiling but noticeably not laughing anymore. Ralph mentally kicked himself. He had a nervous habit of _doing that_.

“So, you’re a comics guy.”

Ralph nodded, trying to think about his words before he spoke, “…ah, um, Y-yeah. Comics. Comics are really cool. Like. Like comics.”

Kara made an approving face as she said, “…you ever read _Hellscout?”_

“Hellscout was good. Sad it’s over.”

“Yeah. I had to hide that one from my kid. Good fight scene at the end, though.”

Ralph gave a nervous laugh, “Haha, yeah. It was pretty gory. Honestly, that was the only thing Ralph didn’t like much about it, was all the gore. Not a big fan of it, really.”

_Damn it. Doing it again._

“Is Ralph who you’re buying it for?”

“Oh, no, no, no,” Ralph stammered, face reddening in embarrassment—he hated explaining it to people, usually opting to give a short, brusque answer and leaving it at that. With Kara, however, he felt not a single terse thought in his mind. “I-um… I’m Ralph. I…”

Ralph took a breath and explained, “…Ralph talks stupid sometimes. Not sure why. Brain damage or something, probably. No biggie.”

“No biggie?” Kara looked a bit confused, but she seemed to let the explanation roll off as if it were perfectly normal. It was among the kinder reactions Ralph had ever been met with. “Hm. Alright, then. I see you around a lot, Ralph. Thought I recognized you, but I wasn’t sure. Neat to hear you like comics, too. Is that what you came in for?”

“N-no… Ralph came in for a-a cookbook.”

“Cookbook?”

“Cookbook.”

Ralph was lying. The cookbook was the excuse he’d planned to use when asked—until the graphic novels section derailed him.

“Ah. Alright. Well, they’re right over there. Let me know if you need any help.”

Ralph watched Kara as she made her way to a stack of books on a rolling cart a few aisles over. He was certain that just hearing her voice had been enough to drop him and leave him _stranded_ on cloud nine. Ralph tried to turn his attention back to the rows of graphic novels and comic books in front of him. He still wasn’t sure what it was he’d come in for. He’d really just wanted to _see_ her, but had _dreamt_ of the possibility that he could talk to her.

It wasn’t like the universe to throw such favor on him. _Kara_ had come to _him_. She had a kid. She liked comics. She liked gory comics. Hellscout was a dark, noir, supernatural crime mystery. He wanted to know what else she liked. In his relatively limited experience with people, it always seemed that people who enjoyed mysteries were the cerebral sorts. The people he could listen to for hours, but wasn’t ever really sure he could _keep up with_. Ralph wasn’t personally into mysteries or crime stories, but he _had_ noticed a trend among those he knew who favored that genre.

“What kind of cooking are you looking into?” Kara asked.

_She was talking to him again, what, what, what???_

“Um. I… Italian.”

“Catch.”

“Huh?”

Ralph had only just managed to grasp the book she tossed in his direction. She gave a spritely laugh as he fumbled and caught it. Ralph looked down at the cover with curiosity.

_“…Ravioli in Peace?”_

“The writer’s sense of humor is pretty dark. I like a book that can teach me how to bake some wild ziti but make me laugh at the same time. I think it was supposed to be Halloween-themed, but I also think the writer forgot the Halloween theme about a quarter of the way into the book.”

“People write Halloween-themed cookbooks?”

“Oh yeah. People write anything. I once found a Labor Day-themed barbeque cookbook. No white meat after Labor Day.” Kara said.

Ralph thought about this—there was a reference in there that went over his head. He didn’t get it, but he feigned a laugh anyway. Kara probably caught that.

“That’d make Thanksgiving kind of rough.”

“Not unless you’re vegan.”

_Fuck, how the hell was she this sharp? He couldn’t keep up. She was going to out him as the idiot he was._

“Or… or vegetarian.”

“Or vegetarian.” Kara agreed, “…or just not really a fan of white meat.”

“There’s always fish.”

“Fish for Thanksgiving?”

“Ralph wants to believe you can really do _anything_ for Thanksgiving… you could do a muskrat and if anyone told you _no_ , you’d just have to tell them to shut up and eat it.”

Kara laughed. It was a genuine laugh. Ralph was sure he could step out of that store, get hit by a car, and die that very day a happy man. When she stopped laughing, she simply smiled down at the books in her hand and then looked up at him.

“You never talk much when you come in with your friend. You always looked like a really quiet kind of guy.” Kara shrugged, “…you’re secretly an extrovert, aren’t you?”

Ralph wasn’t sure what an _extrovert_ was.

“Is that April? Ralph is the ram one. Or… was it a goat? It was a ram or a goat. It had horns.”

“Aries and Taurus both have horns.”

Ralph squinted, “…April first.”

“April Fool’s Day?” Kara smirked, “…wow. That’s Aries.”

Ralph nodded, repeating the word voicelessly. Maybe that was significant information to her. Maybe not.

“Bummer. Thought I’d found another Taurus pal.”

Bummer? _No!_

“Huh? Wh… I… is that bad?”

Kara shrugged, casually sighing, “…well, Aries and Taurus don’t get along too well. Like I said. We’ve both got horns.”

“Oh.” Ralph said, looking down at the comic book in his hand a little forlorn, “…that’s kinda sad.”

“Sad?”

“Well. Yeah. If we’re fated to never get along, that’s kind of sad. It’d be nice to get along.”

“It’s just zodiac crap.” Kara laughed.

Ralph just about sighed in relief as the serious aura about Kara broke again for something more light and whimsical. She could take him for whatever conversational and emotional roller coaster she pleased and he wouldn’t complain.

“Just zodiac crap.” Ralph repeated with a shrug, “…then what was an extrovert?”

“Extroverts like being around people. Talking to people. Company doesn’t drain them. Being lonely really sucks. I’m an extrovert. You seem like one too. I think we’d get along.”

“That’d be nice. It’d be nice to get along. Being lonely really does suck. Ralph hates feeling lonely.”

“What sort of things does Ralph like?”

Ralph’s mind seemed to go completely blank. He _knew_ what he liked, except at that moment, the actual _English words_ for those things did not seem to materialize. In fact, the only goddamned word that materialized in his brain started with an s and ended with an x, and he knew that was a surefire way to never speak to her again. _Fuck, what the hell were my own hobbies?_

“Plants. Trees. Ralph likes trees.”

“Trees.” Kara said, an intense look on her face as she nodded, “…I like trees, too.”

He had a feeling she was talking about a different kind of tree. Glancing sideward, he drew in a nervous breath and tried to think of something to follow that up with. What if she really just meant _trees?_ Because _trees_ were really quite nice. He wasn’t lying when he said he liked trees. He wouldn’t work at a plant nursery if he didn’t like trees and gardening. Ralph had a feeling, though, that Kara thought he meant marijuana. Not that this would have been a lie. It was interesting to try to imagine her _high_ , though—she had seemed so straight-edged and serious in all the brief encounters they’d shared before. This relaxed side was decidedly pleasant. Far more easygoing than he ever could have imagined.

“We could… we could smoke trees.” Ralph stammered and winced—he’d meant to _think_ that, not _say it._

Kara shook her head, laughing again, “…wow, skipping ahead, huh? I don’t even have a drink in front of me.”

 _Was she flirting? She was flirting._ Ralph knew all the allotted luck in his lifetime was likely expended on that exact day and moment and he was very _certainly_ going to be killed under a crashing Boeing 747 airbus the minute he stepped out of that bookstore purely out of _offset luck_.

“Ralph can get you one. A drink.”

Kara’s cerulean eyes were fixed on the books again as she bit her lower lip. How was she _not creeped out by him?_ Most women were creeped out by him. If it wasn’t the scar, it was the way he talked. How was she _still there, still talking to him?_

“I’m off at eight. If you’re not busy.”

Ralph’s head was swimming. This couldn’t be real. This had to be some kind of dream. He grinned and then he quietly laughed and then with a reflexive sort of dance and bounce to his step he said, “Alright. Yeah. Yes! Yes. Yeah. Eight. Eight works. Eight is nice. Eight is a good time for drinks.”

“Eight it is, then.”


	3. Broken Iridescent Wings

 

 

03.  **Broken Iridescent Wings**  
 _A Fallen Angel AU for mazut_

 

 

Master Markus had acted with more cruelty than necessary. Kara could still hear the gardener’s cries for mercy when they dragged him into the court.

_“Please, please, you have to believe Ralph, it was self-defense! It was self-defense… Ralph was so afraid, Ralph did not mean to kill the human!”_

Markus and the other angels of the court regarded Ralph as just another lesser angel. Kara had been on that jury, watching and weighing in on the stories and the condemnation Master Markus had passed on the lesser angel. The angel called Ralph been nobody important—another underling who followed the orders of the emerald-feathered angels who oversaw the gardens of their realm. Aesthetics, vegetation, green spaces. Kara hardly recognized him as any different from the other emerald-feathered angels, perhaps a bit more haggard than most, but she attributed that to his confinement in the prison after they had found him trying to escape the scene of a human murder.

Angels were not to interact with humans, much less _kill_ or _harm_ them.

There was a much larger case at hand, Kara knew. But it seemed that, throughout the trial, no one really spoke of _why_ Ralph was wandering around the mortal plane. Angels were not as immortal as most humans thought. They were powerful, yes, but depending on the tier, they were all liable to be killed at the hand of a fearful human.

Kara believed Ralph when he argued the killing of the human was in self-defense.

But murder was still a peak crime.

A crime for which his punishment was banishment.

When the time had come for the jury’s voice, Kara had only wanted to run. She couldn’t bear the thought of damning an innocent to the fate Ralph faced. But she knew that Master Markus was known to be a bit of a tyrant on occasion. A benevolent lord… with unexpected moments of divine cruelty. She did not care to press the issue. The writing was on the wall. No one questioned why Ralph was down there. Rumors whispered amongst the court seemed to imply there was a larger reason…

_Defective. Broken. A detriment. A blight upon the rest of the flock. The feather that needed to be plucked._

Kara’s conscience screamed for her to protest.

But she sat now, with a heavy heart, filled with guilt. She had not found it in her to go against the grain when prompted. Guilty, she’d agreed. Even though she did not believe it. His testament, in her mind, had made enough sense and his motivations truthful. The angel called Ralph had acted in fear. And now, he was being _punished for it_.

Kara winced, hearing Ralph’s pleas for forgiveness as the court accompanied the guilty to the edge of their kingdom. Luther stood beside her, another angel on the jury with whom she had spoken at length over the strange nature of the trial. Luther knew how she felt about the matter. But he also knew that the law was _law_. He urged her not to take much pity in the lesser angel’s fate. Emerald-winged angels were easily replaced.

“This is wrong.” Kara whispered, her wings giving a slight anxious twitch. “I need to _say something.”_

“Don’t, Kara.” Luther warned, “…cross the Master and you might end up out there, too.”

“I just… he didn’t mean this. I can’t believe for a second that he _meant_ this.” Kara argued in a hushed voice, “…you heard him speak, didn’t you? There’s something _off_ about him. He’s not malignant and they’re treating him like he is. He was _scared._ This is wrong.”

“We all said our judgment.”

“I know. I just… I regret it. I regret my judgment.”

“There’s nothing we can do but move on from it.” Luther said, voice low and solemn. “…we can only wish him well, wherever he goes.”

Kara looked up from her tense, white knuckles. Ralph was at the edge, looking down on the mortal world below. He was being read his last rites and sobbing loudly. It may have been a pathetic sight had Kara not felt such regret and sympathy for the angel.

“May our Lords watch over you in the next world. May your eternal soul find forgiveness and salvation through the depths of purgatory. May you never forget the place from which you came and the dust to which we will all unite as one. Be pure by then, may it be the will of Ra-Nine.” Master Markus’s voice came, as filled with serenity as it was with absolute dictatorship.

“May it be the will of Ra-Nine.” A choir of angels echoed.

“No. No! Please! Don’t do this, please, don’t hurt Ralph, please don’t hurt Ralph, Ralph is sorry! Ralph is sorry! Ralph didn’t mean to kill the human!!” Ralph cried.

“Your wings.” Master Simon said, approaching Ralph.

“Please, no! No, don’t!”

Ralph struggled against the larger angels holding him until they thrust a diamond blade into his ribcage. Ralph shrieked as his wings reflexively spread full—iridescent emerald and grey plume, some feathers slightly crooked, others tipped with bold, sunny yellow.

In one swift motion, the large angel behind him gripped his wings at their base and twisted them back. Kara could hear the snap of bone and cartilage under the tormented angel’s hysterical cries. In shock and pain, the angel called Ralph slumped over and his broken wings dropped behind him, pathetic and limp. Ralph was silent, then. Kara had seen angels lose their wings before—and she never quite became used to the sight.

They always fell quiet like this and made very little more than mewls or groans of pain when the diamond blade sawed through the wings, leaving them with bloodied stumps and exposed backs. Most blacked out at that point, falling completely unconscious from the agony. Ralph, however, seemed to remain conscious through it all, even watching as one wing was unceremoniously tossed beside him. The other followed.

He hardly even needed the boot to the back to push him over the edge, as he appeared so liable to fall over in a light-headed heap of broken, severed bone on his own. But the angel Joshua gave a quiet prayer before pushing Ralph over the edge, and that was the last that Kara saw of him. He went quietly.

Her eyes fell on the severed, bloody wings piled next to where he’d knelt.

They had been _beautiful_.

The jury and the trial, the witnesses and the Masters all quietly gave a closing prayer and followed ceremonial rituals. Kara knew from these scriptures and psalms that they would not see this angel again in their lifetime. He was mortal now and confined to the mortal’s cycle of rebirth. It was a heartbreaking fate. For any angel. Still… something about the entirety of this trial had seemed _somehow staged_. As if there had been more to the story. More that none would bother to question anyway. After all, as she had learned, he had always been an angel with few acquaintances and a profile of defective and unsettling (but _harmless)_ behavior.

As the body of angels filtered back into their routines, Kara could not help but let her eyes linger on the bloody green feathers, feeling as though she’d just aided in the murder of an innocent.

“Kara. Come on.” Luther’s voice came.

“This was wrong.” Kara said.

“Maybe so. But can we really say a thing? Think about what you have to lose, Kara. Think of _Alice._ ”

Alice. The little mortal girl on Earth to whom she was assigned. Luther was right. Alice was in unsafe hands—her father could scarcely be trusted to keep the child safe. The mother had passed many years prior. At this point, Alice had only _Kara_ … and Kara was due to return to her in very short time.

To the _mortal world_.

“Yeah. You’re right.” Kara said.

Luther was eying Kara the way he did when he could recognize the wheels turning in her head.

“Kara…”

“What?”

“…don’t go playing with fire.”

Kara narrowed her eyes as she watched them drop the severed wings into the ceremonial burning pit. As gold and scarlet flames licked off of the blackening feathers, Kara said, “…I’m just… curious.”

“Curious about what?”

“…what would happen. If in the off-chance… he happened to land not too far from Alice.”

“Don’t. Don’t mix things up. You have your assignment.” Luther whispered, “…you need to protect Alice.”

“But what if I could protect them both? What if I found out _why_ they did this to him?”

“We _know_ why they did this, Kara. He _killed a human._ That is a _crime_ against life itself. He’s lucky he wasn’t banished to the demon’s realm like other murderers.”

“Maybe they would have. If he’d _consciously murdered_ someone. No. There’s more to this. This wasn’t right.”

Kara was already forging a direct path for the world bridge. After all—she needed to get back to Alice soon. Luther hurried after her. “Kara!”

“Luther… trust me. I promise I won’t get burned, alright?”

“Kara, remember, if this is fire you’re chasing in the human world, it’s not just _you_ liable to be burned. Alice is your charge, too.”

Kara slowed. But she did not stop. Luther wasn’t wrong.

But Kara couldn’t stand by and let the abused suffer.

“I’ll protect them both, then, Luther. It’s as simple as that.”


	4. Miss Kitters?

 

04.  **Miss Kitters?**  
_A Shapeshifter AU for teen-wolf-maniac on Tumblr_

 

 

Ralph couldn't be sure _why_ he found himself in the same predicament over and over, all he knew was that, inevitably, he always _would_. Case and point, the fourth time in the last two months he found himself spinning back to reality with blood in his mouth and dribbling from his nose. His eye socket and cheeks ached. He'd been punched out and kicked out into the street again but was still too drunk to figure out how long ago and over what. His head was still in a daze and his stomach churned—still too fucking drunk to even stand straight. But not drunk enough to dull the pain in his kicked about body.

A cat was meowing somewhere. He couldn't pinpoint where, nor could he muster up the strength to look. He lay there, face-down in the alley for a long time before he heard purring against his ear and the brush of damp fur against his rain-soaked body. Another meow. Ralph groaned and turned his head just enough to look at the stray that was bumping its little blonde and tan head against him.

"You're sweet, kitty cat. Ralph's not dead yet." Ralph tried to smile but winced as shooting pain coursed through his jaw. His tongue pressed against a premolar that had already been loosened by the last fight he'd found himself in. Missing. Ralph prayed he didn't swallow it.

Another meow. He was surprised the cat was even coming out to him. It was still drizzling with light rain. When Ralph finally sat up on his knees, he realized the cat nuzzling against him had a limp in her front, right leg. Her paw was hooked in toward her chest and she limped clumsily as she huddled against him, probably for warmth or hope of food.

Ralph looked around. The neon open sign on the bar was turned off. It must have been about three or four am. He couldn't be sure. When he tried to feel around for his phone, he squeezed his eyes shut and cursed under his breath. The damn thing was probably still in there. He'd have to come back later and hope they didn't fuck with anything or shred is ID. He made his way toward his beat-up old ranchero in the parking lot. He kept a spare key duct taped in a secret spot under the frame and was grateful to find it still there. As he started the stubborn old car, he realized the cat was still following him.

"What do you want, Miss Kitters? Ralph doesn't have anything."

The cat was meowing desperately now.

He couldn't just _leave_ it.

"Don't you have any cat friends around?"

More meowing, almost _howling_. The cat hopped up across Ralph's leg, nails digging into his knee and thigh. Ralph squeezed the steering wheel, biting back the urge to yelp at the sting of nails in his skin. The cat seemed to be meowing and panicking less when it was on his lap.

Ralph wasn't so sure about the idea of taking along a stray cat. The last time he did it, the cat ate all of his plants, shit in three planters and left his apartment smelling like cat spray for three months no matter how much he scrubbed. Gavin had been one hell of a cat. He was grateful when Connor's brother took the feral thing off his hands.

This one seemed pleasant enough though. A girl, even—hopefully that implied less spraying and other hormonal insanity male cats seem to come with.

Ralph couldn't say no to the little tabby's big, blue eyes.

When they reached his apartment, the cat clung to his jacket and eyed the new surroundings with wide-eyed curiosity. Ralph tried setting her down on the sofa but her nails clung to him. She meowed in protest. Ralph tried turning to encourage her to dislodge her nails from his coat. No dice. He tried turning another way, squeaking in pain as the cat dug her nails deeper.

"Okay, Miss Kitters, Ralph really has to set you down now, please..."

Finally, the cat let go. Ralph was free to take his jacket and soaked clothes off and dig up the first aid kit from under the bathroom sink. He'd seen some of the damage in his rear-view mirror, but once in the bathroom, he winced at the amount of purple swelling was surrounding his right eye and the depth of the cuts marring his cheekbone. He debated attempting those stitches himself... he did have a suture kit in there somewhere. He spit more blood into the sink basin, still quietly hoping his tongue would find his missing tooth somewhere... nope. Still gone.

He cleaned off the wounds a little before slapping a band aid over the cuts and heading back to the living room. The cat was purring quiet and contentedly where he'd left her, staring at the water trailing down the outside of the sliding glass door. That's right... he had a cat for the night. He wasn't sure what to do with the poor thing. Maybe feed it, get it some water. Get himself some water. The hangover was going to be hell and he could already feel it creeping in. From the fridge, he dug up a package of peppered salmon and grabbed a dish. He poured some in the dish and laid it on the floor, calling for the cat.

She hurried over, still limping, but all too happy to devour the salmon. He gave the little thing some scratches on the head as she purred. What a pleasant, sweet little thing. He wasn't sure how long he could keep her. But the truth was, he wouldn't have minded giving cat ownership another try.

As he went back to getting himself a glass of water from the sink, he heard the little cat stop and begin to sneeze. He watched with some mild amusement. Cats were so cute when they sneezed...

She kept sneezing...

Why was she still sneezing?

Two sneezes. Three sneezes... four sneezes...

"Wow. Bless you, Miss Kitters." Ralph said, after a long swig of water.

Five sneezes... six sneezes... seve—

He wasn't sure _what_ happened when he blinked that last time. But suddenly, the cat was bolting away from him, mid sneeze. Bolting toward the door. And by the end of that last sneeze, a _woman_ was in his apartment, running for the sliding glass door.

Ralph was too shocked too react, truth be told. He _did_ feel the glass slip free of his hand and clank on the kitchen floor. The woman, naked and bruised, stumbled quickly toward the door before another sneeze, the loudest sneeze he'd ever heard from a girl, caused her to slip on wet tile floor and smack her face directly into the glass door.

Ralph stared for a moment, still frozen with shock and confusion.

_What the fuck._

She slumped onto the floor, groaning with her hands over her nose. Ralph hurried to her side, slowing nervously as he realized just how very _naked_ she was. Where the hell were her clothes? Where the hell did she come from? Where the hell did his cat go?

“Holy… holy shit… a-are you alright? Are you real?” Ralph approached trying not to look directly at her bare body. Where does one even look when this happens? When does this _usually happen!?_

“Augh…” The woman groaned, clutching her nose. Ralph noticed blood on the glass. She’d hit her face pretty hard. He grabbed a towel off of the counter and offered it to her kneeling at her side. She took it easily and held it to her nose.

“Hold your head back.” Ralph suggested. She did so, wincing.

“Wow. You’re… really here…?”

“Yeah.”

Ralph drew in a breath nodding, still unsure if this was all some kind of drunk dream. He was still slightly buzzing from all the alcohol before, but not enough to _goddamn hallucinate a woman in front of him!_

She looked at him. The same blue eyes as that cat…

“Um… wow. Uh,” Ralph stammered, “…have you seen a cat around here?”

“That was me.”

Ralph nodded, taking the information quite seriously and quietly, “…oh.”

The woman sniffled, still wincing.

Ralph tried for logic once more, “…you… you were the cat?”

The woman nodded and sniffled again, “I was the cat.”

“You were the cat… _oh boy… wow._ Ralph is brain damaged. Ralph should probably go to the hospital.”

“Don’t go.”

Ralph grabbed his keys off the kitchen counter, “…yeah… yeah, Ralph. Ralph needs to go to the hospital. You want a ride? Ralph will take you to the hospital too. For your, um. Your nose.”

“No. Wait! Wait!” She hurried up onto her feet, rushing after him, “…you can’t do that!”

“Uh. Yeah. Yeah, I should… should definitely. Maybe. Probably go get my head checked, this is…” Ralph squinted, “…you’re fucking with Ralph. You’re fucking with him, right? That cat’s still here? Kitty? Miss Kitters? Miss Kitters!? Do you need a ride to the vet?”

“Wh-I-I just told you, I’m _right here!”_

“Miss Kitters? We’re all taking a field trip to the doctor men and we’re all…”

“Alright. Listen to me, buddy!” The woman pitched the towel across the room. She stepped between Ralph and the front door, one hand bolting out and slamming it shut with inhuman force. Ralph jumped away, shrieking. From her fingertips extended long, white claws, each one at least an inch long and half an inch _thick_. Their tips dug into the door’s surface with ease. She had his attention.

“I need you to calm the _fuck_ down, _right now_. I can’t go out there. I can’t go back out there. I can’t _risk_ getting found by him again. I hate to impose, but I need a place to stay for the night. Alright? I’ll leave as soon as day breaks. You never have to see me again. You can go ahead and pretend all of this was just a dream.”

Ralph took in a breath, absolutely _certain_ that this woman or… whatever she was, would murder him right where he stood if he argued her request. On one hand, at least he probably _wasn’t_ brain damaged, if this were all real. And heck, on the _other_ , there was an absolutely _gorgeous_ woman holding him hostage in his apartment. Naked. _Naked_.

_Oh, heck, she’s still naked…_

Ralph looked at her through a wincing expression, “…alright. Alright. You can stay with Ralph. But… I mean. You’re, um…”

“What?”

“You’re not _cold_?” Ralph couldn’t help but _look_ finally, trying not to appear as lecherous as he felt. However, it was hard to let his mind linger on the sexual when he noticed _just how many_ bruises and healed scars marred her body. A particularly nasty wound on her right arm looked to still be healing from a poor suture job. She seemed to favor that arm. He wondered if that injury still ached.

“A little.”

“Here. Let me get you something to wear, alright?”

“Why?”

“You’re…!” Ralph hesitated, instead only making a snorty, nasally sound as he gestured to her body. The woman made a confused face. Did she really have no concept of nudity?

“Come on. Follow Ralph. Ralph will get you clothes. Or. You know. Don’t follow Ralph. That might be weird.” Ralph said, inching past the woman and back toward the door to his bedroom. The woman followed him, eyes intensely fixed on his every action. Ralph found it a bit unnerving despite his mild excitement at the idea of at least having _company_ , even if it were just for a night. Truth be told, as hysterically _wild_ as this story was going to be in the morning, it was a godsend in its own way. Ralph didn’t do too well with loneliness.

He hadn’t expected her to follow so closely behind him. But she did. And when he stopped at his dresser, after kicking through a small mess of stray laundry, half-finished tinkering projects, a couple of half-unpacked moving boxes from last year, and one knocked-over bong, she followed with zero sense of personal bubbles. He swallowed hard. She was leaning so close against him as he opened a dresser drawer and dug through some shirts. He pulled out one grey, floral-print sweater with pink roses on it. He handed it to her. She pulled it on over her body and Ralph tried not to stare.

“Thank you… no one’s ever given me a gift before.”

“…um… yeah. You… looked cold.”

She smiled at him. The sweater was oversized on her small frame. Something about that made Ralph go red in the face. He tried not to be creepy—he really did.

“S… so… um. You can take Ralph’s bed if you want. He’ll… he’ll sleep out there or something. ”

“Why do you talk like that?”

“Huh?”

“You say your name a lot.”

“Sorry. Not sure why. Always just kind of did it.”

She reached up to him, one hand cupping his face. A soft, warm touch that sent a hot, electric chill down his spine. She was _too beautiful_ to be taking pity on him like this. She was touching the scar on his face as if she’d never seen anything like it before. Curiosity fell over her soft features.

“You, um. You don’t have to go if you don’t want to, really. If you want to stay,” Ralph shrugged, giving a bright, toothy smile, “…you can stay as long as you like!”

“You’re kind. Thank you. At some point, though, I need to go back.”

“Go back?”

She nodded, “…all I needed was to get away from _him_ long enough to recover my strength. I’m going back. For my child.”

“You have a kid?”

“My daughter, Alice.”

“…Alice.” Ralph repeated quietly, “…that’s… that’s a nice name. Um. What. What are you?”

“I am Kara.”

“Oh.” _Not what he meant._ But at least he had a name to call her, now. Other than _Miss Kitters._

“…and you are Ralph?”

“Yeah. That’s… that’s me. Just Ralph.” Ralph half-laughed, nervously. He hesitated, trying to regain his composure as he continued, “…do you need help? Finding your daughter?”

“I could use it.”

Ralph nodded. Alright. She could use it. “…okay. Well. Ralph will help.”

Kara looked at him questioningly. Ralph smiled and bounced a bit, “…Ralph really doesn’t have anything better to do, haha! Yeah. It’s. It’s pretty sad. Ralph’s life.”

Ralph nudged a broken bong nearby with the tip of his shoe, “…Ralph’s kind of a loser. So, um. You can use him for whatever you like. If it helps you get your little girl back. He’s not doing much. Just drinking a lot and getting high all the time.”

“Alright. We can form a pact, then.”

“Pact. Alright. That sounds awesome. Let’s do it!” Ralph bounced on his heels again, “Alright! So what are we packing?”

“A _pact_. It strengthens us both.” Kara answered.

She took the sweater off and tossed it aside. Ralph couldn’t help but let his one functioning eye fall back on her body. He looked away as soon as he caught himself and stammered, “Y-you just put that on—”

“A _pact._ ” Kara said.

“Oh.”

Kara pushed Ralph onto the nearby bed and crawled over him. Ralph couldn’t argue with this. He couldn’t argue it if his life depended on it. He wasn’t sure what a pact was, but it already seemed awesome.

 


End file.
